Positively Parenting

By Tara Lindis

One night into morning, my son asked to go pee at 1:45am, 5am, and 7am. After the 5 & 7am pees, he asked for a bath. My husband took the 5am bath, while I took the 7am bath. At 7:30am, my son picked out his outfit (blue/brown plaid shorts with light blue polo with dark blue stripes (a combination I had never picked but wished I had). At 8:15am, he peed and wanted another bath. At 9am, he asked again, for yet another bath.

I love baths...I’m a bit of a bath connoisseur myself. Some might even say, I collect them the way other people collect teacups, but I don’t know that I’ve ever had four baths in one day – except the day I spent six hours in labor and gave birth. Four baths in one day by 9:30 in the morning seems indulgent; I try to think if I should say no, but can’t think of a reason why.

When I was a child, my parents as well as other relatives and surrounding adults didn’t fear their children someday getting into drugs, doing poorly in school, or other nefarious activities. Instead, the prevailing fear of the parents at the time was that if they gave their children slightly ever too much latitude – or time, attention or toys - they would spoil the children.

When my son was born, numerous people – my parents included – told me I would find plenty of opportunities to question the child rearing beliefs or assumptions that have been ingrained in me as well as the opportunity to choose to follow them or not.

My son stands at the edge of the tub, “bath?” he asks. He crawls into the empty bathtub and begins to lift his shirt up over his head.

I try to parent with the long run in mind, so I ask myself, if I say no, what does that teach him in the long run? That when he asks for what he wants he doesn’t get it? Which may be appropriate if he’s two and asking for an iPod. But he’s asking for a bath. At some point, he will learn that some of the things he wants require hard work, or problem solving skills, or critical thinking skills. I decide he doesn’t need to learn the hard work part by his second birthday.

I decide I’d rather my son know that he can ask for what he wants and get it. In our current toilet training exercises, I think it will only help the cause that he learns we will respond to him when he communicates. I realize I cannot spoil him by giving him too many bathes. He is a child, not a fruit; he will not spoil and go bad (and who thinks of such judgmental terminology anyway?). He may –from time to time – exhibit inappropriate behavior or make bad decisions that come with consequences (I’ve already heard my husband warning him about bad women and how one should never bring them home.), but these are side effects of learning, not “spoiling.”

I take his shirt and start the water. He asks me to get in with him. Once I’m in the bath, he crawls into my lap and hands me his waterproof bath time book to read to him. As I read the book and we identify colors, I decide I made the right decision, that when he is twelve and the last thing he wants is his mother in his bathtub, I will be glad I listened to what he wanted.

Tara Lindis has taught English Literature and Composition classes at community colleges in Denver, Colorado, and has spent the last year living in Singapore and Bali, writing, and raising her soon-to-be toddler son. She blogs at www.taralindis.com.

Read more of Tara's blogs:

What Warm Nights Lead To...

Sharing Some Thoughts on Sharing