Positively Parenting

I've been criticized recently for being too hard on public schools and not more open to public school system as an option for parents. I've been reprimanded for speaking out with an obvious and firm stance that home education is a better choice and told that I shouldn't be so rigid in my view point and should realize that for some families, public school is a good thing. I'm told I should be more accommodating and respectful of a parent's choice. 

Okay, I have to say something here...

For many years, I've been a strong advocate for home education. Like scores of other parents, I have done exhausting and endless hours of studying, asking questions, evaluating answers, reading and research in order to decide where, how and under whose instruction I wanted my children to learn, grow, thrive and experience the real world around them.  

It seemed both ridiculous and irresponsible to me, for any parent to compulsively send their young child off to some unfamiliar institution, for several hours per day, under the supervision of a stranger to learn and experience via a curriculum (of which we as parents had absolutely no involvement) simply because that is what everyone else does. Most of us have no idea what the history of the public school system is, how it came to be and why, who funds it and why, how the curriculum is chosen and why.  

Was it important for me to know these things?  Yes! Of course. It is my child. I wanted to know what the school would be teaching and how they intended to teach my child if she was ahead of the curriculum that they intended to teach. I wanted to know who would be teaching her and what that person’s philosophy on life and education was. I wanted to know the history of the school and exactly who was in charge. 

I seemed insane to some parents—but they seemed insane to me.  I couldn't wrap my brain around how anyone could just walk around in that kind of daze and when their child hit four years old say "Okay, time for school" and just sign them up and send them off with only a very minimum amount of understanding and knowledge about the system in which they were about to subject their child to for the next twelve years of their life. I was told "Well, I met the teacher, she seems nice, and sent a letter home with a short bio for the parents to read." What? Is that enough?

Well, for me it wasn't. I did the exhaustive learning and made the difficult decision. It was an extremely difficult decision considering at the time I lived in an extremely compulsory city which was highly unfriendly to home educators. There was virtually zero support and nothing but fierce opposition from family, friends, and general society.  

But I am a mother—that is what I do.

I refused to decide on the next twelve years of my child’s educational and life experience without a full and thorough investigation of what it was I was about to do (or not do).  It was worth the time and the effort. It was not up to my peers, pop culture, the state, or society to decide what was best for my child - it was up to me.

If you ask me if I think the public school system is okay, I will unabashedly tell you NO! I do not think it's okay at all. Is it your choice as a parent?  Yes. It is your choice, but if you ask me to say I think you made a good choice, then I'd be lying if I said yes.  I will not lie to protect insecure feelings. If I thought it was a good choice, I'd have done it myself. What kind of wishy-washy decision maker would I be if I had no concrete reason to have made the decision I made?

I didn't decide to home educate because my friends did.  I didn't chose to do it because I thought it'd be neat or fun or because I just like to be different.  While all of that may be true (to some degree) those were not my reasons. I made the decision because I put in the extensive and intense effort and time, and learned all I can possibly learn about what it was before I committed my child to the process.

So, once and for all - if and when you say to me (or any home educator) "oh, you just think home education is the only right way", expect me to respond with a strong and unrelenting yes.  

Now having said that, I'll say here that many parents who use public school tell me that they think home education is great, they just don't want to do it and since they can admit that what I do is okay, I should admit that what they do is okay too. Folks, I can't.  I won't.  I won't tell you I think it's okay.  I do not think it's okay at all, whatsoever, in any circumstance, for anyone at all.  I think it's nice that you have given me our approval for what I do, but quite honestly what does that even mean?   How much do you know about it truly?  How much have you learned?  How much research did you do when you made the decision to use the public school system?  Was it even a decision? Or was it just a reaction based on the age of your child.  They turn four (or five) and we sign them up...this is how it's done...

So here it is. I'm not trying to be mean, or aggressive or offensive and I sincerely apologize if it is offensive to you; but quite frankly, it shouldn't be. If you are 100 percent certain and confident in your education or schooling choices for your children, then what I say should not bother you whatsoever. It only bothers those who are wavering and on some level, uncertain. If what I say is getting you upset and feeling defensive, stop worrying about how to reprimand me, and look inside yourself and ask "why does this bother me so much?"

And please, do not confuse or mince my intention or my words. I've been accused of not respecting a parent’s right to choose. This is absolutely and completely untrue.  I am a libertarian and staunch believer in freedom and liberty and the personal 'rights' of all people. I absolutely respect and appreciate and would adamantly support everyone's right to make a choice (assuming there was an actual choice made rather than a compulsory action).This is not synonymous with me agreeing that you have made a good choice. You may feel that I did not make a good choice. That's fine. If you are asking me to respect differences in people, then respect my difference from you as we may differ in opinions regarding the public school system.

I think home education is better, yes I do. I will not be bullied into saying I think the alternative is okay. If you think it is, good for you. I do not.

I am a home educating mother. I love what I do. I'm both happy and confident in my decision to do it and so should every mother be!

Laurette Lynn lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma and is an Independent Educator of three kids. She is a motivational speaker, parenting coach and writer. Laurette specializes in Active Parenting and Independent Education. Learn more by visiting www.Laurettelynn.com.

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