Positively Parenting

As the first week of January 2011 comes to a close, it feels right to consider what last year has taught me and what I will learn in 2011. There is value in reflecting on how far we have come over the course of twelve months as we learn and become the people we came here to be. No matter how far I still feel there is to go to reach my highest potential, I can look back and acknowledge that I know more now than I did a year ago. Life provides me constant opportunities to make choices that either serve in my quest to be at peace with myself no matter what or work against that elusive ideal. An hour of meditation on the subject gives me the space to count up where my choices have landed me going into the New Year. This week, in particular, brought me the unique privilege of participating in a dance that did give two hours of time to figure out what I needed to about last year and set the stage for 2011.

Leaving my three children with dad for the evening and going to a friend’s rented makeshift dance studio, I took off my shoes and opened myself up for whatever was to come. The purpose of this new form of dance is to integrate the masculine quality of action with the feminine qualities of emotion and intuition. As one dances to the music, we are given specific thoughts by the leader to ponder and bring forth into expression through the movement of our bodies. It sounds weird, but it really works. By actively imagining while you are moving, your mind and heart open up and things come to you that simply cannot permeate the busy-ness of day-to-day activity. For me I learned how much I have strived in this last year to see what has been hidden from me because I am blocked by fear or frustration. On the up side, I understood that seeing has an internal and an external component.

My three kids see a mom with their eyes that weighs twenty more pounds than she should, does her hair maybe once a week, wears a mouth guard and yells probably more than necessary. What are they seeing with their hearts? I would like to believe they are seeing a mom who loves them, values their presence in her life, shows them respect, responds lovingly to their needs and guides them with a solid grip so they feel safe to explore the world and become familiar with it. Inwardly, I wonder how they see themselves and how much it differs from how I see them with my eyes. The dance experience of this week allowed me to see at the same time how I see myself with my heart and, by dancing in front of a lot of mirrors, how I see myself with my eyes. At first, all I wanted to do was close my eyes. Through force of sheer will, I completed the dance having looked at myself in the mirror for its entirety. The result: I liked myself better than I have in years. I took the time to move past my insecurities about my body and just accept it for how it looks today.

This body has served me well. It has cocooned three babies and delivered them into the world in perfect health. It is the expression of the love I feel within and gives me the ability to smile and wrap my arms around my husband and children. For the first time in years, I am able to focus on and appreciate the blessing that my body is and always has been. The eyes of my heart see a woman worth loving. The eyes of my head look at that woman in the mirror and see the same. With that, I realize the things that felt so hidden in 2010 were hidden only to the extent that I could not integrate these two aspects of seeing. The next twelve months will be about fostering that connection and making the eyes of the heart and the eyes of the head see the world, my children included, with one will, one unified vision of understanding that each one of us is doing the best that we can with where we are right now on our unique journey through life. In this, we all are the same and we are all blessings.